I was driving 7:30am on the way to work. Usually traffic is super smooth but today I was stuck for 20 mins. When I was approaching to the corner of the work place, I saw 3 cars crashed and fire truck and toll trucks are stand by. This is the 2nd time of car crash at the same place since I worked here from last Sep.
But lucky that no one hurt (but one of the car have the front smashed very bad) and cars were quickly get tolled. People who came later don’t even know there were accident happened. Of course cars drive through won’t know anything about it.
Somehow it gave me a very nasty uneasy feeling. Not that I feel unsafe but the tininess of individual and incident make me question the meaning of life, and most importantly how we live and what we means to be.
Three years ago, I have experienced a similar thing brought me to the above questions. A homeless guy was found dead with his body stuck in the Charity bin. It was guessed that he wanted to climb in the bin but his upper part of body trapped and he couldn’t move in or out. He died because he can’t breathe. His body was found 6am when a motorcyclist passed by. His body had been quickly removed and later the bin was removed as well.
I know this because I am one of the early bird to work (I use to go to work from 5:30am). So very few people knew there was once a charity bin and it has been removed; Not many people knew the bin removed because it killed one of our human fellow. Regardless the motive of climbing into the bin, this is a very sad incident. It makes one feel sadder if we realise that not many people know about it or will mourn for this man.
Each of us, is not very important, regardless how good we feel about ourselves. What we did, what we said, what we hate or like, what we are planning to do, what we own, what we lose, what opinion we hold in our minds—they are just not that important. They are important only when they are linked to ourselves, with “The Subject”. So not just our feeling but our actions and related impacts are subjective.
So it leads back to the original question—how we suppose to live since everything is not that vital and significant. I don’t have an answer but my guess is we need to follow our hearts to live the way we like.
But this is not easy. My husband and I are planning to have baby and really want to adopt unconventional way to raise kid. But we got all the kind suggestion that our thoughts are just too unrealistic and romantic. Once we have kid, our thought would very likely change. We will do everything we can to earn more money to send the kid to the best school, tutoring and saving for their future, not able to do things that we like etc. This gives me a bit of panic because for one thing it sounds a lot of stress and for the other, this is not the life I want. Even children are one of the important parts of our life, their life and our life are not the same and sometimes can be irrelevant.
If I die, only those who loved me will mourn for me and remember me for a while. But after all these people pass away or as time goes by, no one will remember me. I then become nothing. My existent or the proof that I have once live, will be officially non-exists.
Why we try so hard to push ourselves to live a “better life” and then push our kid to be one of “the best”? Can we just live happily and with less worry and competition? Can we spend our time on enjoying life then just work and work and work? Can we do something different-something good to this world? Because at the end, we will not exist once the Death put the seal on the end of our life?