I didn’t told my dad that I have someone I loved and cared until we have applied the visa. My dad was so angry that he didn’t talk with me for two weeks. He felt that he was neglected and not be respected. I didn’t tell him, because I know how he will act after we break the news.
Then finally, the visa is granted and my love can come to me. Our intended marriage date is the New Year. But my dad think it is too soon and he doubt if it is a wise decision. I know he is not happy, partly because he love me so much and not willing to be shared by another person; partly because my love is not rich; partly because he never approve of my decision.
Before I talked in video with dad today, I told myself, don’t argue anything, just use your funny tone and casual talk to make the old man cheerful and happy. Then my dad started to say I always bringing trouble to him (for one time, before I went study oversea, I once told my dad I was more willing to stay before the love for my bf at that time; for a second time, I broke up with my ex.) He simply think that I am a looser in relationship and I failed because my stupidity and hasted decision. He can’t understand why I didn’t find a rich man to marry and he think I will lose again and again.
By hearing this, I can’t control myself and tears pouring out. For so many years, I tried to be a good daughter–I studied as hard as I can and even did the major I hated; I never complained I was suffering and not happy; I earn money after I came to Australia, just want to lessen his burden; I work so hard, just want to give something back to him asap.Honestly, I already did utmost I can, what else I can do? I don’t know.
I know, I broke up with so many guys. But that is not what I want and we can never predict if it is a GOOD RELATIONSHIP that can work out. I tried once and once and finally find one that suits me with so many years of friendship as solid foundation. Every past experience is a good lesson to me, help me to understand myself and the way to communicate. At least I have leant that, the way to maintain a good relationship requires patience and understanding and we can never post pond or ignore problems.
I learnt so many things from my failures, dad, I am not gaining nothing from it. How can I make you understand that the one I choose suits me? You will never understand things between us since you don’t understand your daughter. I have a tender heart and so he has. Can you see our hearts? No, you can’t. The only things you can see is those material things and our failures. To you, we are all inferior creature.
I am going to marry, no matter you are happy or not. I am not going to be influenced by you any more. You never praise me, never approve me and I am not expect it any more. Just a piece of best wishes is so hard for you to present. I feel so happy to have someone care about me and I should be a happy bride. Please please don’t make me sad.
I am not going to prove anything. I understand you, dad. And I will use my will and love to make you feel less lonely. I never blame you for your weakness and unintended damages to me because you are my dad and I will never do sufficient to repay the love from you.
I cried for 2 hours and felt dog tired. But I know I will never regret. I never regret what I have lost and what I have missed. Life is not perfect, sometimes you cry, sometimes you embrace joy; sometimes you lost everything and so desperate to kill yourself and sometimes you will persist regardless difficulties and hardships. It is normal that things changed during our lives, no one can say he or she is the master of life.
Dad, I can’t guarantee I always make SOUND decisions, I am not God. But I have never give up and I believe I will have my happiness. I have come to understand human nature, our heart and how to be a person with mind and soul–which are all you trying to teach me.
Cherish love, cherish the one who loves us. I will do this to you and hope you can understand me.